The CNBC Anchor Says, “Waaaaaaaaaah…Waaaaaaaaaah!”
Fucking Crybabies
When I get ready for work in the morning, I like to keep CNBC on in the background. As a business student and a man with the bulk of his savings tied up in the stock market, I feel like I should have an idea of what’s going on out there in the business world. However, the hosts of CNBC’s morning programming are straight-up whiny bitches.
If I have to hear one more of these bitter clowns shouting nonsense about “class warfare” or throwing a hysterical tantrum over Barack Obama’s attempts to pick our country up off of the shit heap I sear to God I’ll start watching Good Day LA…or maybe I’ll just slice my belly open and call it good. Meanwhile, none of these geniuses actually have anything valuable to add to the discussion. God forbid they actually come up with an alternative solution to the problem. And you can spare me your bullshit grandstanding about letting the market and the natural forces of capitalism “run their course.” How about this. The next time a big brush fire is burning in the hills around your mansion we’ll just call off those taxpayer subsidized firefighters and let the fire run its course. The forces of nature will eventually halt the blaze, right? Why should we redistribute the wealth to fire crews so that idiots who build their mansions in fire zones get bailed out every time there’s a fire?
The only anchor on this journalistic abortion who is even worth a damn is Maria Bartiromo. Not only does she engage in actual journalism, but the woman is smokin’ hot. I mean she could convince me to buy shares in a chain of Michael Jackson day care centers. In fact, CNBC should just play clips of Maria running in slow motion on a tropical beach somewhere while she tells us how hot it makes her when we buy stock. This financial crisis would end fucking TOMORROW.
I love capitalism. I hate losing money. But these people seriously need to get a fucking grip. Making people panic by screaming that the sky is falling every morning MAKES YOU PART OF THE PROBLEM. Report the financial news and shut the fuck up with the political commentary already.
**Update** Apparently the writing staff at the Daily Show is sick of these jokers too. Watch Jon Stewart put my pathetic rant to shame as he turns both keys and hits the “Vaporize” button on these schmucks.
